You knew I’m a saint, yet you promised your libido will faint. You knew I only have little money, yet you claimed fitful to journey. You knew my religion’s protocol; you did not say my ways are local. Now that I still keep my zips up, you announce that my time is up. If you still remember, in September, when we traveled to Columbia, you made a promise to me while we were being served a tray of cucumber in a hotel built of timber, painted in amber. You said we would get married on December; I was so happy on that day we drank and danced samba, but now you want to burn away like ember.
I’ve been seeing you with a white boy, and you’ve turned me into a mere toy. If at all I’ve lost my virtue, does it give you the power to make me a statue? Because he has a car, you think my own success is still far? Because he promised you visa, you started eating him up like pizza. Do you think I too will not grow? Don’t you know someday my own cash will flow? And when my glory starts to glow, your boyfriend’s wealth after all may blow. Tosin, I must tell you it’s a toe sin if I’m a fool. I attended a school, so please don’t take me for a fool.
The time that I gave to you, leaving my job for us to meet at the bayou; the money which I was supposed to use for the payment of my school fees, I spent on your entertainment to earn your kiss. I gave you my phones, just to ear your tones. But what did you do at the end? You want our relationship to end. If you’ll be going away without giving me a heir, where is my money you used on your hair? As I stand honorably right here, return my phones and then things will be fair. Don’t intend employing sorcerers to poison my air, God is my protector, I shall not fear. I’ll never forget how you’ve caused me tears, and if I’ll date another woman, I’ll firstly consult the seers.
This partner of mine wants to make herself an ex, just because I don’t support premarital sex. Is it good to have sex before marriage, or after marriage while being driven home in our just-wedded carriage? Or perhaps it doesn’t matter, and not in any way a ridiculous matter? I should be the one to request an intercourse, but my girl’s desire for sex seems a curse. Although she’s beautiful, and her physique is wonderful, her features are bountiful, and that is why I have been a fool. Should I abuse my religion’s doctrine by ignoring the rule to let sex be hung? Or should I keep to my faith and pursue the paradise where I want to belong?
-Lord eBay (and his romantic adventures, 2013)