​Unhappy Hour

It’s five oh one; I’m in my car

And speeding to my fav’rite bar

To join the same old sots and schmoes

To swap our lies and drown our woes.
I start with double whiskey straight.

I’m having trouble with my weight.

A gin and tonic next I’ve got.

My drinking’s chronic, but so what?
I once was randy, now no soap.

Another brandy ends that hope.

This loss of passion has me vexed.

A stiff old-fashioned I have next.
With lifelong acne I’ve been cursed.

A second dacqu’ri for my thirst.

I wish my weenie weren’t so small.

I’ll have martinis, after all.
My boy’s a bum and boss a bitch.

Bacardi rum and then I’ll switch

To lots of scotch and shots of rye.

Can’t read my watch; I’m getting high.
The stocks I bought are down the drain.

I’m overwrought and need champagne.

I’ve spent a hairy day in court.

A glass of sherry and of port.
Bartender Jim I like the best.

My sins to him I’ve oft confessed.

My dad’s an urban racketeer.

Jim brings me bourbon with a beer.
My sister, Sheila, sits in jail.

A tall tequila and some ale.

“Some water?” in my ear hints Jim.

I say I don’t come here to swim.
My friends are swingers with the pox.

I ask for stingers on the rocks.

The whole world’s scary; life’s a mess.

A bloody Mary for the stress.
I’m being hunted by the cops.

More wine I wanted; now it’s schnapps.

The Cosa Nostra wants me dead.

A third mimosa dulls my head.
By six I am completely stoned.

I pay the tab and have one more.

In taxi Jim for me had phoned

I sleep it off till at my door.
I fight again the urge to retch

When car next morning we then fetch.

I vow that I will drink no more,

But wife has heard it all before.

© richom – all rights reserved


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Scribbles & Scotch says:

    Love it! Also made me want a stiff drink, or two, or three..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lord eBay says:

      Drink responsibly buddy. Lolsss…


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