Sex and the City

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“Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits.” 1 Cor. 15:33

Few weeks ago at my PPA, we caught a male SS2 student with a female JS2 student in SS1 class at night, lamboginning each other. Well, the boy, even though is still below twenty years of age, can still be considered mature, but a JS2 student? I was embarrassed! But as I would be told by the Principal, the duo were not just beginning their love story; two years ago, they had impregnated each other. The girl was in primary school and the boy was in JS3. The girl’s parents had had to abort the lately discovered pregnancy which had led to the girl’s hospitalization for six good months before she could resume back to school. How easy the girl has found it to forget her pain and embarked on the same journey again with the same boy! And the school, get me right, is an Arabic school built on top of a central mosque.
Sixteen years ago when Kemi and I dated, a single kiss we could not even think of, not to talk of sex. We were alone in my room for many times (I’ve had a personal room since 1996) and I couldn’t even summon the courage to touch a button on her clothing. Even few years ago when I was already a sex champion, (that was before my repentance) when she visited me, all grown up and a more matured person, I couldn’t still think of sex, I mean, I loved this girl so much and sex didn’t occur to me as the best way to express it. That’s us, the children of the 80s still being eightieth in behaviour. Let’s look at the 90s and 21st century children now, eèlè dúró wòó tán o, àwon omo wóbè nùn-un nì.
Back at my Registrar days in Ogun State, I intercepted a letter from a JS1 female student to a JS3 male student, reading, “I have accept your proposer but me I don’t do kissing and touching o. With love from…” she stated her name and when I saw the letter, I laughed and then summoned her. She came and started crying, begging me not to tell her mum, that she would kill her if she knew. Ever since then, I took it upon myself to counsel her as I hope someone will to my children. We may not be able to effectively help the present, but we can at least shape the future. Secondary school teachers can relate well with my account, if they’re not the ones wreaking the havoc sha. These days, those that deflower the secondary school girls are mostly their teachers. My students always talked about other teachers in my office, how Mr. Lagbaja had smooched Alade Taiwo and Mr. Tamedo had fondled with Sarimakin Kehinde’s breasts in the laboratory. Was it not few days ago that Oke Taiwo told me about a teacher that was sent away from his school after he was caught pounding on a girl inside a class? Pitiably, parents don’t find it a challenge, they rather buy condoms for their wards/children.
It wasn’t so long ago when virginity used to be the pride of every bride’s family, was it? Any girl that was not a virgin would have to beg her spouse in tears to tell nobody about it so as not to shame her family name. Sadly, that has passed like a short chapter on an Hemingway’s fiction. A girl agrees to date you right now, sex has begun with immediacy. I thought dating is supposed to be an avenue for two matured individuals who are ready for marriage to measure each other’s degree of compatibility through talks only, revealing their philosophies towards life. But dating/courtship is no more about that, is it? It’s about this girl carry o, I must fuck her. That boy dope o, he must suck me. And popularly these days, girls date for benefits, not love.
A friend advised me recently, “NYSC Year is a fucking year; you must fuck as many girls as possible.” He wasn’t joking, I tell you, fucking starts on camp and it doesn’t end throughout service. Didn’t they call it service anyway? There’s indeed a lot of servicing involved I assure you. Imagine, before you finally meet your wife, they’ve already fucked her like 16, 527 times. And you yourself ñkó, tiger, you’ve deflowered 24 girls and had had sex for approximately 102, 677 times even though you’re just 25 years old.
Is anybody even shy again? People have sex openly these days. Go to night clubs, you’ll find your church members there, sucking. A lot of fingering; a lot of twerking; a lot of moaning especially after everybody is drunk enough to settle somewhere in pairs. And by the time a girl fucks from primary school till NYSC service year, she has already fucked ten times more than her 52-year-old mother has. What’s wrong with us? Samo ntokan sha? We can’t make toothpicks in our country; we can’t make pencils; we don’t like to eat our own rice; we’re consumers and we’d still rather fuck from Monday till Sunday than give a rat’s fuck about anything important, emulating cultures of people that were already flying planes when our fathers still lived in huts. When you hear TGIF on Friday, individual is already buying Tramadol for the exploits to come. Wan fee ku lale yi o, maa te soju e lale yi o.
I’m definitely not a saint, I have my own sins. But please girls, will you just chill out a bit? I’m tired of seeing your breasts on the street, on social media, in my dreams, everywhere! Wat I do gan sef? Can’t you give me a break? Will you stop corrupting this society! Alhaja ìgbàlódé, ijabs are meant to cover your body, not to wrap it; abi seyin je bi moinmoin t’en pon ara yin? Eyin slay mamas, receive sense! Ladies, stop dating for benefits, date for love. If you need money, find a job, not a boyfriend. And guys, whoever you cannot marry, don’t bother dating her. If they’ve fucked your mother that much, would you not have been one of her wash-offs? Our bodies are God’s temples, they must be kept clean! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to cover my eyes, some slay mamas in open chests are passing by. Emi ko lee koropti.
“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” 1 Cor. 6:18-20
“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: it is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Cor. 7:8-9
“Nor come high to fornication/adultery: for it is a shameful deed and an evil, opening the road to other evils.” Qur’an 17:32
“The woman and the man guilty of fornication/adultery, flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.” Qur’an 24:2
Hugh-hugh (clearing throat). That’s all.
-Lord eBay (and his evangelical ministrations, 2017)

#eStreetWriters

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