MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

Some men just can’t stand intelligence in women. When a woman is brilliant and always defends her opinions, they consider her proud and unsuitable for marriage, especially if she’s formally schooled. They think if she goes further in her education and badges her Masters or PhD, she’ll be proud, arrogant and disrespectful. What they rather want is a woman that will always kneel, wash, cook, sweep, take some pounding in the cooch and make responsive tones, say Yes Sir if possible and be totally submissive, always. Well, if that’s what makes you feel like a king that you’re not, go for it. You’re not entirely illogical anyway; some women will definitely be just that, educated but senseless. A minute of silence for them abeg. K’Olohun dele f’eyan ‘re.

As for me, I want intelligence in women. I don’t mind if my wife is a professor while I just have BSc. I can never feel inferior. I’m not inferior. Professors aren’t gods. I’m her husband. Shouldn’t I even be proud that I can get a professor on her knees and penetrate her from behind in a doggy environment? Olohun ku suuru o. Spank a professor and rumble with her bubbles. Abi ki tieni gan sef, how can I live with a vessel of knowledge and feel inferior? Isn’t she what I am? What she is, I am, aren’t I? She’s my wife for God’s sake! Do I have to live to compete for superiority with my wife? Even if my wife is proud and arrogant, am I humble and gentle? I’m arrogant as fuck, you don’t even know sontin. Lemme tell you sontin. Mo proud ju peacock lo.

I’m not gonna marry someone whose parental training is to be a maidservant and not a queen. I’m not marrying to have my wife serve me like my slave, I’ll be bored, walahi, I know my nature. I’ll marry to have her journey with me and conquer with me ni. If she can’t contribute to my intellectual engagements or doesn’t have one for herself where my support would be required, she’s not my type abeg. I don’t like idleness in anyone. I don’t like consumer souls. Everybody has to be busy creating something, pursuing something, not just sitting around, watching TV and cooking.

I understand you think I don’t know what I’m saying, buh see, iss you that has inferiority complex and needs to be checked up. K’Olohun fun yin ni suuru.

Ladies, you can be educated and still serve your husbands as good wives, (not necessarily as servants); it’s virtuous. Respect holds marriage in place; if you grow disrespectful, your marriage will crumble, with time. If it doesn’t, it surely wouldn’t be as it used to be. Help each other abeg, kiss each other, hug each other, say sorry when you err, say I love you, say I love you too, care for each other, do the do, make nice meals, e gbe kinni ara yin jo to ba seese, be slow to get angry, be slow to judge, pay your kids’ school fees and don’t use it to drink ogogoro, don’t have extramarital affairs, take agbo jedi regularly so as to remain seasoned and bedmatically effective, exercise your body to be in good shape, no go dey do aproko with neighbours every now and then, and I promise you, you’ll enjoy your marriage. I’m writing from experience.

– Lord eBay (and his marriage counselling sontin sontin, 2018)
#eStreetWriters
#MarriageCounsellingSontin

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