What They Mean to Goats

In this life, one just has to live as one’s soul demands. You want to be rich, be rich. No, you only want to live quietly, then, live quietly. Stick to what pleases your soul and let others stick to theirs. It’s wicked replicating your decisions for other people or condemning their choices in the…

What Mrs Benson Said

First time it happened, I was on a bus to Ibadan from Oshodi. I sat next to a woman who carried a child I wasn’t very pleased with, as he made it a duty to stain my clothes with his shoes. I was by the right edge of the seat, you know, that place where…

HIGH FEIFE

After my dad’s incident in 2009, people threw the word, ‘revenge’ around a lot. I knew it was mere nonsense. Dad wasn’t someone so easy to kill. If his origins hadn’t consented, no bullet could’ve penetrated him. So, who was going to carry out the revenge and how? To me, he was a soldier who…

GOSPEL OF LAZINESS

Let me tell you what rich people think of you; they think you don’t have sense and that’s why you’re poor. They also think poverty inspires desperation, that desperation prompts criminality and your criminal tendencies make you dangerous. So, simply put, they believe poor people are dangerous and should be avoided at all cost. Poor…

That Guy

Let me tell you about a guy; I shall call him Sucrutum, to hide his identity. He was a teacher I worked with. He was a very respectful person, especially indoor. Outdoor, he wasn’t very respectful. He would want to sell himself big, and he would think portraying himself bigger than everybody else would give…

HAPPENS AS IT WILL

“Neither seek nor avoid, take what comes.” -Swami Vivekenanda A sage was once asked by a boy, “How can I be happy in this world?” “Do not beat yourself up over what you cannot change,” the sage told him. When the boy’s mother died, he cried, and then he looked for someone to blame. He…

Passionate Pasts

Nearly everyone has specs when it comes to choices or tastes in man/woman. You think physical punctuations and accentuations matter most, or perhaps you’re sapiosexual, or maybe you rather fantasize about people that have certain skills. Come, let me tell you; when love happens, it doesn’t care what your specs are, it just happens and…

Bringer of Wisdom

“Omo ò jìyà, ó lóun gbón” has outlived its trueness (as a proverb insinuating that wisdom can only be borne by suffering). Wisdom is the end product of a man’s intercourse with information; not with adversity. You need a green paint while you only have blue and yellow. Now someone comes around, takes a cupful…

One More Day

Where the field is green, the rooster wakes. Where it’s brown, it mocks. So says me but the rooster only crows. That’s it, a word could bear three meanings, depending on the size of the viewer’s pocket. Geckos rejoice beans have beetles; cooks complain beetles are in beans. And that is what cannot merge religions…

Taking A Walk Through Your Neighbourhood (Page 3)

The tension that preceded NYSC Camp was immense. They’ll steal your phone. They’ll steal your charger. They’ll steal your fiancée. They’ll steal your keke napep. They’ll steal your breasts. But when I got there (at Yikpata Camp), I met the direct opposite of the troubling picture painted for me. The only incidences of stealing we…

Taking A Walk Through Your Neighbourhood (Page 2)

Facebook bios ‘usually’ succeed in giving me the measurement of people’s education, intelligence, social status and maturity. “If you fuck with me, I’ll fuck with you,” sounds like someone who is either a thug or a gentleman with an empty purse. “He reigns,” sounds like a functional Christian. “Some people we just be hating, meanwhy,…

Taking A Walk Through Your Neighborhood (Page 1)

Would you allow me to take you to a Nigerian home for a minute? Thanks, we’re here now. Let’s sit and watch. Mum says you mustn’t collect biscuit from your classmates in school. Why? Because they ‘will’ use it to initiate you into a witch coven. Be wary of every child, they’re all witches and…